I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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