perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
