in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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