just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
