I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
