i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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