I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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