So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
