no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
He is an equal opportunity slut.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
