Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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