I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
