mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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