Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
