I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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