I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
True college students do jello shots in the library
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
