Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
