epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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