guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
