i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
