I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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