My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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