xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
