He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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