It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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