Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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