Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She even gives head with a lisp.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
