she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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