yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
