Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
