i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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