yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
