Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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