my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
