I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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