Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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