Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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