I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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