Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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