I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
