so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
