Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
