i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
