she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
