your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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