i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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