I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ๐๐#pensacolaproblems
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah Iโd say sheโs rebounding from the divorce
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