his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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