i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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