Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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