not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
