ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
