All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The air was thick with penises
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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