it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
