Don't you send me to vm
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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