Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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