You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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